Mother's Father.

Please forgive me if I never had the chance to say "Sorry I never said Goodbye"

I don't remember you in your grave. I remember though a bed of flowers and a fragrance rushing past me and if I recall possibly kissing me on the cheek.

Despite my sister and brother saying things about my horrible memory, I remember more things than them. Surely I do.

I bet they don't remember the things you wore, your purple Kain(sarong)and your grey or white shirts while Tok Mummy lounged on the couch.

You always bought me the latest action man toys which up till today I treasure. People call me gay for loving them but they are one of the lasts memories I have of you. You were so young and you left. I remember you just smiling at Redzuan and me as we shouted out "THank You" to you while opening our action man cases. I rmember your soft smile, unlike anyones I've seen.

Please forgive me Tok Daddy for not appreciating you as much as I wanted to. I was still young. 3 years old. Still young.

I want to touch you again. Kiss you on the cheek. Bring you out on lunches. Your treat of course.

Please forgive me tok daddy. I love you so much. Please be with me. I will pray for you everyday so that you enjoy your time up there. Or pray that you don't have such a hard time down there. Remember Tok Daddy, if you ever miss us, know that we miss you too. If you ever feel like a stranger while watching me up there or down there, know that I am a stranger to you. I always wanted to know you better. People don't believe you're my grandfather. They just say "What kind of governor would want to be a grandfather to a fat shit like you?" I feel hurt, but in my heart I will always love you whether you loved me or not.

I wish I got to know you better. The only left hander in the family alongside Redzuan.

I didn't understand that you died when the funeral was held. I remember feeling sad for no apparent reason.

As I write this post, I only hope someone doesn't fell the sadness i feel now. I want to cry but I can't. My body won't let me. I wish you were still here, instead of just smiling at me in your pictures.

I love you Tok Daddy.
I will say this and which I never got to say.
Goodnight Tok Daddy. Sleep Tight.

"...A hundred times, A thousand times, just one more time, I'll pull you close, and then we'll say goodbye..."