What is this feeling?-Poetry

I don't know what I'm feeling.
This epiphany is unfamiliar in my story.
is it you I think about?
Or is it my dark desire and fantasies about you that makes me want to hold you close?
Am I misunderstood, or am I off or weird?
Are you a figment of my imagination?
A creation of memories and laughter?

What is this feeling?
When I talk to you, i become all giddy and excited, and when you go, I become lonely.
When you mortify me,I cannot feel a difference between exasperation or love.
If you stabbed a knife in my gut, i would not feel it.
If you ripped me limb by limb, i would not feel it.
But if you held me, then let go of me, all existence falters, my world crumbles.

Why am I so unfamiliar with this feeling?
Why is it that when I think about you, my mind starts to wonder.
Why is it when you are here I want you to leave.
But when you are not here, I long for you?
My mind, a contradict.
My feelings, an oxymoron.
You are my world.
You are my soul.
Please don't leave me.
Don't let me go.

-Redzlan